Annual Summary: 2013

And so another year draws to a close, and I am still, for some reason, ranting and raving here. Huh. Who would’ve figured?

Anyway. This was a pretty good year for me. I played a good number of RPGs this year, and unlike last year, there were definitely a good handful of titles that were very impressive and/or noteworthy. Not all of them, of course (why the hell do I continue to play Dragon Quest titles?), but quite a few. Once more, I hit up lots of games of various age and system of origin, and although I’m now fully engrossed in the many Western RPGs that I’ve found and purchased from GOG.com, I’ve tried to play enough JRPGs to keep a decent balance. Anyway, here’s what I played this year, in alphabetical order.



Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura
Atelier Iris 1
Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden
Betrayal at Krondor
Deus Ex 1
Deus Ex 2
Divinity 1
Dragon Quest 9
The Elder Scrolls 4
Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle
Evoland
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates
Geneforge 1
Heroes of Annihilated Empires
The Last Story
Legend of Grimrock 1
Legend of Mana
Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader
Lunar: Dragon Song
Mega Man Star Force 2
Nox
Return to Krondor
Shin Megami Tensei 4
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2
Tales of Destiny 1
Torchlight 1
The Witcher 1
The Wizard of Oz: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road



As always, all SquareEnix games were purchased used or experienced through Youtube Let’s Plays, in keeping with my oath not to support the company until it drastically improves its integrity.

Not a bad number at all, I’d say. I kept busy with other stuff, too. I read several books by authors such as Isaac Asimov, Charlotte Bronte, Agatha Christie, Jaspar Fforde, and The Harvard Lampoon, keeping up with and surpassing my goal of 1 book a month. I know that’s not as high as it should be, but with the number of people in this country who consistently manage to hit their goal of 0 books read per year, I figure I’m doing alright. I’ve continued to keep up with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and its immense (but fully justified) fandom, and I also finally, finally watched Firefly and its movie Serenity this year, at last coming to understand why so many people consider it such a tragedy that it didn’t live longer. I also rewatched both Batman: The Animated Series and Gargoyles this year from start to finish, and doing so back-to-back has allowed me to finally conclude, once and for all, which is truly the greatest non-anime cartoon series of all time (it’s Gargoyles). I also continued fooling around with fanfiction. Oh, and both of my jobs. I guess I did spend some time with them, too.

As far as RPGs go, the year started off...not so well. The very first spoken line in the very first RPG I played this year was a space monster telling a 5th grader, “I’ll tell you about your father if you let me use your body, kid!” That is just not a good way to kick off a new year, guys. Thanks for that, Mega Man Star Force 2. And thanks also for the creepy moment that followed soon after in which the adult villain chose a 10-year-old-girl as his damsel and supposed co-ruler. Still, things soon started to look up with Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden, Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magic Obscura, and Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle. I had a small series of dull games after that, but soon rebounded with the excellence that is Deus Ex 1 and The Witcher 1. Things went along fairly quietly but enjoyably up until the end after that, finishing the year out with Shin Megami Tensei 4, a good-though-not-as-good-as-it-should-be RPG, and Deus Ex 2, which was really very good, a worthy successor to the original. So, overall, everything went well enough, with only pockets of dullness or crap here and there.

I played a lot of RPG series for the first time this year, I notice. Until 2013, I’d never played any of the Atelier games (unless you count Mana Khemia, but I think it’s only tangentially related to the Atelier series, like the way Nippon Ichi games are usually vaguely connected), nor any of the titles from the Witcher, Elder Scrolls, Geneforge, Deus Ex, or Divinity series, either. I found 4 out of these 6 new forays to be at least a little rewarding, so it seems new experiences are indeed a good thing.

So, what stood out in particular this year? Let’s see.



RPG Moments of Interest in 2013:

1. I finally got around to playing Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, one of the first and best known Indie RPGs released over the web. It is gloriously ridiculous, and its glorious ridiculousness is made all the better for how seriously it takes itself. This is both the most insanely hilarious and crazy thing you’ve ever played, AND a totally awesome RPG story in its own right. I’m not sure anything has ever been quite so epic and silly at the same time before.

2. One of the many hidden gems that can be found for cheap at GOG.com, Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura is based on an insanely awesome idea: a Dungeons and Dragons-esque world in the midst of its industrial revolution. Victorian England-styled Steampunk is already a fascinating concept when applied to a regular real-life-esque setting, so putting it together with arcane magic and mysticism, elves and dwarves and orcs and so on, just makes for a very cool premise and setting. I also found it a fun coincidence that Chris Avellone, whom I consider basically the greatest RPG writer to ever have lived, started doing a Let’s Play of Arcanum this same year.

3. I came across a hybrid game that is both RPG and Real Time Strategy this year, Heroes of Annihilated Empires, in which you command both regular RTS units and structures on the field, AND a hero or two who level up from fighting enemies to eventually be worth an entire horde of the regular RTS units--yet limited enough that you need both to defend and attack properly. I’ve often thought to myself that you could do great things if you combined these game genres (Command and Conquer mildly dabbled with the concept at times in that some units who got enough kills could be promoted, but dabbling is as far as it went), and HoAE confirms that the mixture works as well as I thought it would. The only downside with the title’s gameplay is that the RTS elements are too simplistic and undeveloped on their own to have explored the concept as well as it should have been. Still, it worked well for what it was. Hope I see this idea come about again some time.

4. Among the unusually high number of Indie RPGs I played this year was Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle. Told by a friend to check it out, I initially thought I’d play it for an hour or so and then move along to something else, never to think of it again. EoWC is, without mincing words, a mostly-lesbian pornographic RPG, and as such I did not expect much from it. But if you read my rant on it earlier this year, you’re aware that I was happily very, very wrong--lewd it may be, but Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle is exceptionally creative, has palpable depth and emotion, and contains several really good characters, concepts, and many touching and emotionally gripping love stories within it, all culminating in a battle of the mind to awaken to the present yet keep the dreams of the future. You really can’t judge a book by its cover--what I thought for sure would be a perverse, insulting waste of time turned out to be one of the great highlights of my year.

5. I also played The Last Story this year, which is the big special masterwork of Hironobu Sakaguchi, the renowned father of the Final Fantasy series. It’s clear from the game that the guy put a lot of heart and soul into it, its setting and presentation just exuding the creative effort that went into the title. Unfortunately...well, for all that effort and care, The Last Story is not bad by any means, and it has some pretty good moments, but ultimately, I found it somewhat underwhelming, merely okay at best. Underneath all its polish, it’s a very generic JRPG story with an equally generic JRPG cast, and it does nothing to keep its archetypes fresh or appealing (unless you’re easily amused enough to be enthralled by the idea of a female character who drinks a lot of alcohol).

6. Return to Krondor wins the award for having the Best Witch Ever.

7. Here’s another entry for the list of the great tragedies of RPG history: Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader. What a sad waste of potential. An RPG by the folks behind the early Fallout games, about an alternate-timeline Europe during the Renaissance period in a world where magic and evil beasts of dark power have existed since the Crusades, featuring a ton of great figures of the past like Leonardo da Vinci, Marco Polo, Galileo, and the like? I’d be hard pressed to think of a cooler game idea than that. And early on in the game, it looks like it’s going to be everything you’d hope for and more, but damn it all, the developing company went out of business and the game had to be rushed out, a mere shell of what it would have been, becoming little more than an uninterrupted slogfest soon after leaving the game’s first city. What a damn shame; this thing could have been so great.

8. Another Indie RPG I played this year was Evoland. Great concept with the evolution of RPG game mechanics figuring into the gameplay, but I can’t help but be very disappointed nonetheless. The plot and characters are so utterly bland and simple. It would have been so much neater if they, too, had evolved as the game went along, starting out simple and barely touched upon in the earliest stages of the game while things are still blocky and 8-bit, and then gradually becoming deeper and more developed in different ways as the game evolves into later generations of game style. Sadly, everything about RPGs that really counts stays boring and childishly facile from start to finish in Evoland. It’s a game that details the evolution of only the superficial parts of RPGs. Too bad.


Best Prequel/Sequel of 2013:
Winner: The Witcher 1
The Witcher 1 is based off of the Witcher books by Andrzej Sapkowski, and so I think it’s safe to consider it a sequel, even if it’s the first game of the RPG series. I haven’t read the books, so I’m probably not qualified to fully judge just how faithful it is, but I can at least say that The Witcher 1 seems to be an interesting and insightful exploration into the world and characters of Sapkowski’s books and the role that his Witchers are meant to play, expanding upon these things in a way that both references and relies on the original source material, yet also is accessibly easy to follow and explanatory for those only entering the series through the game. Geralt’s amnesia is treated with surprising skill in this game, being used just enough to allow for players to be introduced to Geralt’s world as he himself re-learns it and just enough for the players’ choices for Geralt’s actions not to necessarily conflict with his personality from the books, without seeming like the cheap cop-out that amnesia almost always winds up being--Geralt keeps a definitive personality, his past continues to have relevance to him regardless of how much of it he fully remembers, and ultimately the memory loss is never flaunted as a magic wand to fix all possible writing difficulties, only expertly used as a tool to enrich the experience and make it more accessible. The Witcher 1 strikes me, and what small research I’ve done on the books has backed this perspective up, as an RPG very careful to respect its source material, but also bold enough to take some steps forward on its own to examine and expand the universe it borrows.

Runners-Up: Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden; Deus Ex 2; Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 2
Well, like The Witcher 1, Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is a sequel to a previous non-RPG work (the movie Space Jam), so I reckon it does count as a sequel, and it’s...pretty amazingly awesome and amusing, referencing many of the events of Space Jam as it goes along, so it’s definitely a good sequel. SMTDSRK2 manages to keep the quirky atmosphere of the first Raidou Kuzunoha game, references and builds off of the original game’s events and such, but goes in its own direction with a strong independence. It’s quite good. Deus Ex 2 is a very worthy sequel to the original DE1, taking the events and ideas of DE1 and moving forward with them, providing a new understanding and idealism to DE1’s concepts that’s almost equally fascinating. I’d say that Deus Ex 1 had more going on, a much stronger tie to our actual world, and a longer and better-conceived chain of thought with the concepts it explored, but as a follow-up to all of that, DE2 is darned good and did not disappoint.


Biggest Disappointment of 2013:
Loser: Mass Effect 3
Because Mass Effect 3’s ending is so horrible that it deserves recognition for its failure for the next 20 years or so.

...Oh FINE, have it your way:

Actual Loser: Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader
Like I said above, this was a game with huge potential for being cool, interesting, and creative, and it showed it in the beginning. Sadly, it was all for naught when the developer closed its doors and the product was hurried to shelves prematurely. I almost wish they had canned the damn thing altogether instead of releasing this 10% Real RPG, 90% Wandering Around Randomly Fighting Things mess. I hate failed potential.

Almost as Bad: Evoland; Nox; The Wizard of Oz: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road
Evoland I also spoke about above--for such a creative gameplay concept of using the game itself as a demonstration of RPGs’ evolution, the important parts are terribly primitive. Nox is only a mild disappointment since I didn’t know much about it going into the game, but it still qualifies because after as entertainingly lighthearted an intro as it has, it’s rather a letdown that the game itself is such a by-the-numbers combat-heavy adventure. And I didn’t really know what to expect from the Wizard of Oz RPG, as there’s multiple takes on the world of Oz that it could go by, but I did know I was hoping for appealing and strongly involved characters, a decent plot, a memorable villain, and an ultimately heartwarming adventure. Every significant portrayal of Oz I’ve seen before has managed that much, after all. But this one is just...blah. Light on story, lighter still on character involvement and development, and the stuff it takes away from and adds to the Oz story makes no improvement whatsoever. C’mon, Media Vision, nothing about the Wizard of Oz should be bland!


Best Ending of 2013:
Winner:Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura
Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura follows a tried and true formula for endings: the player gets what they put into the game. Like most Fallouts, and Romancing Saga 1, AOSaMO’s ending shows you a series of scenes that give you an idea of how things went down for various locales and people of importance which you encountered and affected during the course of the game, along with wrapping up the main plot threads. It’s a complete and proper conclusion to the game, and it rewards you with closure for the story events you cared to become involved in. Simple, interesting, and satisfying.

Runners-Up: Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle: Flight to Elstwhere Ending; Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle: Nereid Ending; Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle: True Ending
...What? It’s a great game and it has like 20 different endings; you gotta expect there to be some good ones. And good they are. The Nereid Ending is a touching story of a simple but enduring love that calls out across the boundaries of time, while the True Ending is an interesting, satisfying conclusion to Duchess Catherine’s tale of awakening that cleverly makes pretty much all the other endings possible, while giving the protagonist a chance to enact whichever one of them she pleases with her foreknowledge. And frankly, I really wanted to make the Flight to Elstwhere Ending the winner this year, above Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura’s ending, but on principle of what I think an ending should ultimately be, the latter won out. But Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle’s Flight to Elstwhere Ending is still a beautiful, bittersweet conclusion to the lovely romance of Catherine and Carmina (even if Carmina herself says she prefers one of the other endings) that fiercely tugs at the heartstrings.


Worst RPG of 2013:
Loser: Lunar: Dragon Song
I’m hesitant to place Lunar: Dragon Song here, because people are going to assume, if they have any familiarity with the game’s legendarily bad design, that it’s here for gameplay reasons. And don’t get me wrong, if I concerned myself with the actual experience of playing the game, this would definitely be the worst game I’d played this year, decade, lifetime. But I want to make it clear here that unparallelled design flaws aside, Lunar: Dragon Song is a pointless, dumb heap of crap. The characters are uninteresting and often stupid, the plot can only be described as phoned in, the villain is exceptionally poor and essentially just a shitty copy of Lunar 1’s Ghaleon, many parts of it make absolutely no goddamn sense, the game’s conclusion essentially contradicts the canon of the Lunar series, the final confrontation with the main villain is possibly the lamest ever conceived, and the plot supposedly hinges upon a love story that I was not even aware was there until the very end of the game--I’m still not convinced that Jian’s confession of love wasn’t a translation error; lord knows there are plenty of them in this time-sucking disaster! Lunar: Dragon Song is the worst game I played in 2013, not because it’s virtually unplayable, but because its story, characters, and just pretty much everything about it having to do with the writing is just as terrible as the gameplay is.

Almost as Bad: Mega Man Star Force 2; Nox; Torchlight 1
Let me just say first and foremost that I am seriously unable to believe that Dragon Quest 9 managed to avoid this list. But it got out by the narrowest of margins, for there was a single, solitary part of the otherwise uninterrupted boredom and worthlessness of DQ9 that was actually really cool and interesting (the reveal of the history of the goddess and how she became a tree). Everything else was shit, but that tiny, shining moment nonetheless puts it above Nox, which only had a few brief, tiny chuckles in its favor during its intro and ending, and Torchlight 1, which is as by-the-numbers a dungeon crawler in terms of plot and characters as you can possibly imagine. And Mega Man Star Force 2...well, it’s just as inescapably, indescribably dumb as its predecessor. I’ll grant you that there actually IS also a moment (and that is IT) in MMSF2 that I thought was halfway decent, but it doesn’t even come close to being able to balance out the utterly incredible level of pure, unfiltered Dumb the rest of the time. Honestly, it’s still hard for me to accept that I found a worse game to play this year than Mega Man Star Force 2. Just...ugh.


Most Improved of its Series of 2013:
Winner: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunhoha 2
Also known as SMT Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha vs. King Abaddon. I’m not going to go into much detail about this here, because I’ve got a rant planned for the subject, but briefly, the sequel keeps the lighthearted fun and quirkiness of the original SMTDS Raidou Kuzunoha game, but also instils a major dose of meaning and traditional SMT themes to the formula, betters Raidou’s character, and introduces some good new cast members to the mix. This makes for a huge improvement from the first game, and as a result, SMTDSRK2 is a game that the prestigious Shin Megami Tensei series can take pride in.

Runners-Up: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates; Legend of Mana; Tales of Destiny 1
FFCCRoF surprised me by having an actually halfway decent plot and some rather emotionally gripping scenes to it. It isn’t perfect and it doesn’t always make total sense, but it’s a pretty solid title, which is more than just the vaguely positive aspects of the original FF Crystal Chronicles. Legend of Mana is much the same--not perfect, doesn’t always fully make sense, but there’s a lot of good ideas and emotions to be found in many of its subplots that the Mana games I’ve played previously (Secret of Mana and Seiken Densetsu 3) don’t even come close to possessing. As for Tales of Destiny 1, well, it’s a pretty by-the-numbers JRPG without a lot to take note of (although Mary’s character is pretty great once she’s properly revealed) and several problems, but it’s the second game in the Tales of series, and as such it deserves to be here because it is at least a little better than the first Tales of game, Tales of Phantasia, thanks to Mary and a few pretty decent storytelling aspects. Sure as hell ain’t Tales of Legendia or Tales of the Abyss, but you can at least see the series starting to take its first real steps toward its later quality titles.


Most Creative of 2013:
Winner: Barkley, Shut Up and Jam Gaiden
Okay, sorry, but come on, what was possibly going to be more creative than a cyberpunk RPG sequel to the movie Space Jam about a post-apocalyptic New York City where Basketball’s been banned after a slam dunk performed by Charles Barkley 20 years earlier was so powerful that it created a nuclear blast? Goddamn nothing, that’s what. And rather than play it for its comical worth, the creators of BSUaJG played the whole thing straight, wrote the game’s events and dialogue and music and so on out like this was an honest-to-God serious, moody, post-apocalyptic sci-fi story, letting ONLY the actual subject matter and characters, the butthurt save points, and a few enemy visuals betray how utterly absurd the whole thing is meant to be; other than that, it feels and rolls forward like any sincere RPG might. Which just makes it all the more creative and unique, in my opinion.

Runners-Up: Deus Ex 1; Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle; Legend of Mana
There was actually a lot of competition for this category this year, which was a neat change of pace--any other year, Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura would have been a shoe-in for this, but ultimately I feel like its storyline doesn’t take enough advantage of its mix of magic and steampunk. Deus Ex 2 was a close contender, too, only losing out because for all its creativity in going forward from DE1’s conclusion, it’s still ultimately derivative of DE1 more than its own creative enterprise (not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind, DE1 is excellent source material). And if Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader had been developed properly from start to finish, I’m sure it would have had a strong shot at a spot here, too.

Anyway. Deus Ex 1’s mix of cyberpunk and political conspiracies, with a tiny bit of Asimovian social sci-fi, is wildly creative and interesting in its presentation and ideas, and frankly, it almost won this category, save for one thing: looking at what is now common knowledge about the world at the time DE1 was made and looking at our current world political situation nowadays, a significant part of Deus Ex 1 is less “creative” than it is “an accurate assessment” and “prophetic.” Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle is very imaginative in its non-linear ability to nonetheless pursue an evolving story, in the scope of its characters, in the truth of its events as revealed by the supposed real ending and the True Ending, and for its ability to take the Dungeons and Dragons style in yet another direction. That’s not to mention that it’s a near full-length RPG with less than a dozen battles in its entirety, and hell, just the fact that it has and unashamedly uses pornographic visuals and moments in the story, yet is a strong, emotionally deep, involving, and worthwhile intellectual product. Lastly, Legend of Mana’s style and nonlinear way of telling its divided story combines with the subtle and uncommon themes running through it to provide a very unique experience to the player.


Stupidest Weapon of 2013:
Loser: Musical Instruments (Tales of Destiny 1)
I’m just gonna copy-paste a section of my rant on the stupidest RPG weapons ever here: “...then some bard managing to hurt a monster by plucking on a harp is stupid. And using musical instruments to inflict physical trauma is even worse. I'm not anything even approaching knowledgeable about musical instruments, but I'm still fairly certain that they're meant to be reasonably delicate tools relying on careful balance and structure to produce their sounds correctly, so taking your guitar and smashing people over the head with it is going to ruin it for its intended purpose of creating music, and if you don't want to use it for music, then why the hell would you carry it around instead of a club or dagger or something?” Point still stands. Karyl’s decision to use musical instruments as weapons, particularly in a party that’s regularly finding much more effective weaponry like swords and axes and such, weaponry that most of the party doesn’t even bother to use because of the Swordians they have, is dumb.

Almost as Bad: Basketball (Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden); Pot (Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates); Rings (Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle)
While large and specially-shaped ones can increase the damage of one’s punches, rings as a general rule are not really weapons by any conceivable definition. The basketball I’ll give a mulligan to because the game is supposed to be utterly absurd that way and part of that absurdity is to make Basketball some forbidden, mystical power of sorts so using a basketball as a weapon fits the bill. And lastly, for the love of Clispaeth, getting into a pot and rolling around is not an attack.


Best Romance of 2013:
Winner: Carmina and Catherine (Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle)
Granted, this one gets off to a rather...rocky start, which I do have issues with, but I absolutely adore the love story between Carmina and the protagonist of EoWC, I really do. It’s believable and well-developed, yet poetic and beautiful in an otherworldly sense, a courtship through dreams in which they bare their hearts to one another, and exposing their vulnerabilities and loving one another for them as their bond strengthens, until they each understand the other on the deepest level that we see in this entire game of romantic connections. Though Catherine fears she may simply be enthralled by this being of darkness, she trusts her feelings nonetheless, and we come to see that each would risk all and do absolutely anything to preserve the other and make her happy. It’s epic, it’s lovely, and it’s inspiring, a wonderful story of love with all the development and dialogue to make it real, and all the dramatic actions and elements of the fantastic to make it epic.

Runners-Up: Calista and Zael (The Last Story); Catherine and Louni (Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle); Catherine and the Nereid (Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle)
Much like Mass Effect 3 last year, Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle dominated this category this year. Well, it’s a game where romantic (and sexual) connections are a huge deal, and it does them darned well. The Nereid Ending of EoWC takes the Nereid’s otherwise one-dimensional character and really expands her and makes the love between her and Catherine powerful and compelling, and I do like the connection between Catherine and Louni; it’s very different, but touching all the same. And while Calista and Zael are mostly here because there weren’t really any other notable romances I saw this year (I guess Catherine and The Good Dwarf was alright, and I actually am quite fond of Alice and Catherine, but both are just too...understated), and though the initial parts of Calista and Zael’s love story are so Aladdin and Jasmine that I’m surprised Disney hasn’t hauled Sakaguchi’s ass to court over it, it all winds up being okay, as love stories go, and it balances itself well enough as a part of the overall story without suddenly attempting to supplant all other plot threads to become the story’s only focus. It doesn’t stray past its limitations but rather coordinates and meshes with the plot, and overall there’s enough chemistry and development between Zael and Calista that I buy it, so I dub this romance decent.


Best Voice Acting of 2013:
Winner: The Witcher 1
It actually took me a little bit to really get accustomed to Geralt’s voice; for some reason, it just didn’t seem right to me at first. But once I did, I found that the voice actor for him did a very good job of putting feeling into the vocal work and making Geralt sound very genuine, even though you could pretty fairly say that it sounds like he’s just using one single tone of voice for every line and situation. Still, in its subtlety, Geralt’s voice acting is top notch stuff. The rest of the game’s cast does a good job, too, though I’d say that Geralt’s the only one whose vocal work is high above mere competence.

Runners-Up: Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura; Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates; Shin Megami Tensei 4
Honestly, I don’t have a lot to say about SMT4 or FFCCRoF. They all have voice acting that does the job adequately with few to 0 low moments, kudos to them. Arcanum is much the same, although I’d say that it does have a few characters, like Virgil, who have some pretty noteworthy voice acting at times. Overall, though, not a particularly interesting year for me as far as vocal work goes.


Best Villain of 2013:
Winner: Greyghast (Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle)
It really says something for Greyghast to be the winner here, considering that he’s (sort of) dead from the very start of the game on, and never actually serves in the role of antagonist. But though Bad King Greyghast the Terrible is only shown in memories and referenced in the postmortem sense, what glimpses we get at his actions are enough to paint the picture of a monstrously evil and sick tyrant, whose horrifying actions are a legacy that follow Duchess Catherine throughout the game to its very end. The way Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle shows Greyghast’s intense evil is expertly subtle and understated, letting inferences and its traumatic aftershocks that the protagonist will never fully escape from tell the story as much as outright explanation and details do. I’m usually more of a stickler for character depth and having an understanding of a villain’s motivation (which is why Shinado almost won this spot), but sometimes the force and effect of a skilled writer’s villain is too overwhelming to ignore. In Greyghast, we see, even if only in glimpses, some of the darkest, most cruel evil that humanity can offer, and the lasting damage it can cause.

Runners-Up: Dahn (Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 2); Jacques de Aldersberg (The Witcher 1); Shinado (Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 2)
SMTDSRK2 offers us 2 solid villains in Dahn, a hothead out to break a bad system to save his sister at any cost, who is quite easy to empathize with (in fact, he kind of isn’t even really a villain overall, but he’s great for the time that he’s in the role), and Shinado, a dangerous god of misfortune whose conclusions about humanity, hope, and the role Luck plays in them are quite interesting to hear and consider. Shinado perfectly serves as the game’s major antagonist and provides the thematic and philosophical backdrops for the events and obstacles of the story. Jacques de Aldesberg is a decent villain with a goal very similar to that of Suikoden 3’s villain Luc, saving the world from a terrible future he has foreseen by taking steps in the present to prevent it, but doing so through immoral means that cause strife and havoc. I wish the game had explored him and his goals a little more thoroughly--it’s all kind of jammed in at the game’s conclusion--but what’s there is good, and he becomes more interesting when you figure out just who the game is implying he is--puts an interesting twist on some of the scenes and conversations you see in the game with a particular character that you wouldn’t think too deeply upon otherwise.


Best Character of 2013:
Winner: Duchess Catherine (Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle)
Dammit, Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle, stop winning everything! Well, what can you do? I’m gonna do a cop-out and copy-paste what I said about her in my review of the game, because it pretty efficiently sums up my thoughts on her: “Catherine at first seems very simplistic, very damsel-in-distress-esque, very...princess-y, but as you progress through the game, you can begin to recognize some strong depth to her, along with some subtle but solid character development. Her exceptionally dark, tormented back history, her craftiness and more than adept skill at political maneuvering and diplomacy, her enthusiasm and wish to form a positive connection with all those around her, the interesting ambiguity about whether she is, in the end, a good or evil character, her insecurities about her future and related subconscious resentment against princesses, her fleeing from the title of being Greyghast’s heir and whether or not there might be some truth to it...there’s a lot of angles to Catherine’s character, a lot of fronts that she grows as a person on, and nigh all of them are pretty interesting.”

Runners-Up: Geralt (The Witcher 1); Mary (Tales of Destiny 1); Virgil (Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura)
Mary’s history and character development is kind of all dumped on us at the same time, but it’s very good stuff, surprisingly deep and emotionally effective for a game whose cast is otherwise very standard and unremarkable. Most of the party members in Arcanum have some decent depth, but Virgil definitely stands out for his subplot concerning his past. Geralt is a very well-written protagonist in his musings of where he and other Witchers must stand in the more civilized world and the conclusions he draws as the player guides him to whichever side of the game’s political conflict that Geralt eventually stands on, managing to be interesting and true to himself no matter what he comes to believe. I have to say I find myself straddling boredom and annoyance when it comes to Geralt’s James Bond-esque sexual escapades, something that seems completely superfluous, but in general, the guy’s a great and involving character.


Best Game of 2013:
Winner: Deus Ex 1
Bet y’all thought Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle was gonna win this one, too, huh? Well, almost, but not quite. Deus Ex 1’s greatest virtue is in its plot and purpose, an extremely creative, realistic cyberpunk game of conspiracies and tyrannical secret agencies, a gripping adventure and a fascinating look into the subjects of human rights to privacy, freedom vs. security, and the dangers of shadowy tyrants and corporations, all with a heavy dose of philosophy on how these subjects relate to human nature and a mild sprinkling of Christianity symbolism, which is present enough to be interesting, but background enough not to become cumbersome to the narrative. It’s also an excellent cautionary tale which has only become more sharply relevant as time has passed--it’s not just good for people to experience and think upon this game, it’s important for them to do so. Terrific stuff, something everyone should play.

Runners-Up: Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle; Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 2; The Witcher 1
As I’m sure you’ve gathered by now, Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle is a hidden gem amongst hidden gems, and I heartily recommend it to anyone who can look beyond its perverse exterior to appreciate the many fine qualities within--and it’s a simple, free download, to boot. The second Raidou Kuzunoha title in the SMT series is leaps and bounds above its predecessor, to the point where SMTDSRK2 is, to me, as true and worthy an SMT title as any other. I could go into detail here about it, but I won’t, because I plan to spend my next rant on nothing but discussing this great game. Finally, The Witcher 1 is perhaps slightly overrated, but I can certainly understand how so many people can hold this game and its sequel up as some of the greatest RPGs ever made--its storyline is deep and involving, yet completely accessible to those who have no experience with the novels it’s based on, the cast is solid, it does a terrific job with juggling its numerous subplots and how the player’s decisions can affect the story, and it’s overall just a terrifically engrossing fantasy epic.


List Changes of 2013:
Greatest Romances: Carmina and Catherine from Embric of Wulfhammer’s Castle have been added to the list of Greatest Romances, bumping the Grey Warden and Leliana from Dragon Age 1 off.



And that’s all, folks, 2013’s over and done with. I’m actually very much looking forward to 2014. Several of the crowdfunded RPGs I’ve backed will be coming out in 2014, including the sequel to Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, the NPC RPG You Are Not the Hero, possibly Cosmic Star Heroine, and even Chris Avellone’s baby Project Eternity and possibly the spiritual successor to Planescape: Torment, Torment: Tides of Numenera. THAT is the kind of gaming that could make 2014 one of the greatest RPG years of my life, right there. On top of that, the Mass Effect Happy Ending Mod, the mod that seeks to give ME3 the good, artistically consistent ending it sorely needs, is set to have its final major update occur some time in 2014, and considering the amazing work that has gone into it already, it is likely going to blow my mind. You can be damn sure I’ll be making a rant about it at that time.

And speaking of rants, I kind of look forward to 2014’s rants, too. I’ve decided that I’m going to make my Shin Megami Tensei Year project into a full year, which means continuing to do an SMT rant every month until July, if I can. So far it’s been quite fun to challenge myself to come up with SMT subjects to rant about, and to make sure those rants are halfway decent. I also look forward to continuing, and concluding, my series of rants about Xenosaga 3, the game with the most numerous flaws of all RPG time. Should be a blast.

At any rate, thanks for bearing with me for another year, you proud, incredibly bored few who actually read these things. Special thanks to my buddy Ecclesiastes and especially my sister for their great contributions to many and most of these rants! Happy holidays, and here’s to seeing you all again in 2014!

Lunar 1's Alex and Luna Romance

Happy Thanksgiving, anyone in the USA. Hope it's a nice day for you. When I realized that my next scheduled rant would be on Thanksgiving (like an hour ago), I thought it would be a nice idea to put up a positive rant, something appreciative of a good aspect of RPGs. Y'know, because it's a day of being thankful, and whatnot. But it turns out that of the 9 finished rants I'm sitting on, all of them are complaining about something. Oh well. I'm a grump, what do you want.

Oh, quick question. I had thought that the new color scheme of the blog was generally positively received, but I've had someone complaining that it hurts their eyes. Anyone else dislike it? And if so, what would make it better? I'm not against adjusting it, but it took me so long to find a color scheme I like that I'd rather have a clear idea of what needs to change before I commit to altering it.

And now, on with the rant.



Ah, Lunar. A “classic” of the Sega CD and Playstation 1 era of RPGs, I’ve always felt that this largely-beloved game more conned its way into players’ good graces with its colorful, high-quality anime cutscenes at a time when such a thing was a rare and impressive treat, than actually earned its accolades. The plot’s thin and listless, the villain’s only notable feature is his voice, and the characters, while distinctive, have very little depth, when they have any at all.

And man, does this game have a case of Love Hina Syndrome.

As a reminder, since I did the rant on LH Syndrome quite a while back, Love Hina Syndrome is a phrase I use to describe a game (or movie, show, anime, comic, whatever) in which the main character and his/her romantic interest are by far the least interesting and worthy characters in the entire cast, but for some unfortunate reason are the ones who completely dominate the story’s focus. The Legend of Dragoon, Rogue Galaxy, Dragon Quest 8, and The Last Story are examples of this, games wherein a number of good (or at least better) supporting characters aren’t given as much focus and time to develop, and it seems to be at least partially because the focal idiots are hogging the spotlight with their inferior blandness.*

Lunar 1’s plot meanders aimlessly for a little while before finally coming to focus squarely on the romance between protagonist Alex and his main squeeze Luna. She gets kidnapped because she’s the goddess Althena in human form, Alex wants her back because he loves her, and the game from that point on (about 1/4th of the way through it) is a journey to confront the bad guys and save Luna. It’s, uh, not a particularly inventive or ambitious idea for a story, so long as you’ve a passing familiarity with 1980s NES titles. Still, an uncreative idea can work just fine if the execution is good. I know I use this as an example all the time, but I once again point to my favorite RPG of all time, Grandia 2, a game that collects a huge bunch of anime and RPG cliches together and then uses them incredibly well to create an amazing work of storytelling art. If Lunar 1 could really sell the Alex and Luna love story, make it believable and touching, then this could really work.

Sadly, this turns out not to be the case. The romance between Alex and Luna sucks, plain and simple. It’s another case of Show, Don’t Tell--the game is eager to Tell us quite often that Alex is in love with Luna, and that she loves him back, but there’s precious little that convincingly Shows this to be true.

First of all, there’s no damn chemistry there. Alex and Luna don’t really act like people who love one another. It’s hard to describe in words, but there’s really not much interaction between them, all said. Alex says very little, Luna’s lines don’t seem to be particularly meaningful, and as a general rule nothing they say to each other has any particular warmth or understanding there. For 2 people who have known each other their entire lives, very little personal rapport, very little emotional connection, is actually expressed between them. Hell, most of the time, what small, lacking personal nuances that Alex or Luna possesses are only ever recognized by Nall or Ramus, their mutual friends. Of course it’s important to establish that Ramus and especially Nall are close to Alex and Luna, having known them for many years, but shouldn’t there be some sort of establishment of emotional intimacy between Alex and Luna, as well?

There’s also precious little in the way of actions that suggest any strong feelings between them--lingering glances, tendency to move closer to one another during periods of conversation or rest, etc. Hey, I know it’s all a bunch of sprites, but you CAN show at least a little relationship personality through that limited medium; plenty of other games have done so. And outside the regular sprite graphics, the cutscenes from the portion of the game where Alex and Luna are traveling together certainly don’t show us any particular connection between them; they’re rarely even present in the same FMV. The only one I can really think of was the boring, long, gratuitous time-waster FMV of Luna singing on the boat. After she’s done wasting half the game’s FMV budget that could have instead been used to illustrate a scene that was interesting in any way whatsoever, the cutscene concludes with Alex standing below her, staring at her. And y’know, this could have worked, it could have been convincing, him standing there in silent, emotional awe at this (supposedly-but-not-actually) beautiful song and outpouring of emotion by his beloved. All that would have been needed to really pull this scene off, make it a compelling moment of watching Alex realize his love for Luna, or at least confirm it, was to give him the right expression, an expression that conveyed the kind of impressed, poignant tenderness of a person as they gaze at the one who stirs their heart in that beautiful, unique way, the expression of silent, radiant love.

This is not that expression. He looks as bored with Luna’s song sequence as I am. For fuck’s sake, the damn magic talking catdragon looks more emotionally moved than Alex does.

There also doesn’t seem to really be any noticeable development of romantic feelings between Alex and Luna. Now, I’ll grant you, their background means there might not have to be. Since they’ve known one another their whole lives, it would be perfectly believable and fine for their romantic feelings to need no development because it was already established before the game’s opening. For example, I rather liked the fact that Monstania’s protagonist was already in a relationship with his love interest when the game began, and so I found it acceptable that the romance didn’t actually develop any further than it started--though their feelings for one another were nonetheless shown quite clearly, so you could say they had romantic development anyway. But as I’ve said, there’s just about no chemistry whatsoever between Alex and Luna; they by and large do not act or seem like people who have feelings for one another when they’re actually together. So this is a romance that DOES need development, because there’s nothing really established beforehand for it. But there really isn’t any. Alex’s love for Luna, which is confirmed much more often by his friends’ mentioning its existence than it is by any statement made or action taken by Alex himself (more Telling instead of Showing), seems to appear out of nowhere once she’s been kidnapped, and once it’s there, it doesn’t seem to deepen or anything. It’s just there, where it didn’t seem to be before--although since Alex just quietly plods along through the plot, we usually can only tell it’s there because other people are mentioning it. Love should not just be a fucking switch that the writers flip when it’s convenient!

Oh, and there’s certainly no development on Luna’s side. Alex, at least, has the game’s focus on his journey, so he can occasionally simulate romantic feelings by saying Luna’s name over and over again (I think half of all his lines are just name repetitions). Luna’s feelings for Alex, after never being believably established due to their lack of chemistry, seem to just be assumed to exist--it feels like she loves him because it’s what the lazy plot wants her to do.

What is it about him that she loves? What does he love about her? I’ll give you that he’ll go to great lengths to save her and protect her, and that deserves a certain amount of respect and lends some verification to their relationship, but what the hell was it that made him so devoted to her to begin with? What was it that made her notice this devotion before the villain provided the opportunity for Alex to prove it? If, for each of them, the feelings of love developed as they grew up together, why do we never see or hear anything of these experiences of the past, never see any special connection or rapport or understanding of one another that this long history would imply? Do either of them make the other happy, cheer them up, support them, make them laugh? Why does the entirety of the game hinge on a love whose only real proof of existence comes at the game’s very end?

It’s not like the writers weren’t capable of at least a passable romance. The love stories between Nash and Mia, and Jessica and Kyle...well, they’re certainly not great or moving, but you can believe that they exist! Kyle and Jessica’s constant bickering is broken up by enough clear expressions of begrudging affection, enough self-confirmations of romantic interest, that they seem to genuinely care for each other. Nash’s affection for Mia is something established before the game’s opening, but unlike Alex, his words actually seem to carry that affection, even when he’s trying to deny it’s there. Someone teases Nash about liking Mia, he’ll get flustered and tell them to stuff it. Someone talks to Alex about how he loves Luna, and he just doesn’t even respond. It’s like an awkward silence of someone who doesn’t know how to break the news that they don’t feel that way after all.

And lastly...frankly, Alex and Luna feeling romantically interested in one another is kind of creepy on some level. I mean, consider this--Alex and Luna have both been raised by Alex’s parents all their lives. Alex’s parents took Luna in when she was still just a baby, so they’ve shared a house, parents, friends, and their whole lives together. So. Um. Doesn’t that essentially mean that Alex wants to bone his sister, and Luna in turn wishes to receive boning from her brother? Yeah, they aren’t related by blood, but in every mental, spiritual, and practical way, they are brother and sister! Raised together in the same home, by the same parents, from the earliest age they can remember...explain to me how their wanting to get it on is not at all creepy.

This is what Luna should’ve been singing during the Boat Song FMV.**

Dear Game Writers: If you’re going to make a love story the major point that your entire plot revolves around, please try to have the characters involved actually seem to be interested in one another; just having the supporting cast occasionally yell out “BOY ALEX U SHUR DO LOVE LUNA HYUCK HYUCK” does not cut it. Please try, game writers, to give us some indication, any at all, of what it is about one another that they like or appreciate, how their feelings develop into something. The emotion of love is a bit more than just an on/off switch to be flipped whenever it’s convenient for the story. And for the love of Ramuh, game writers--and I put this in because Alex x Luna isn’t the first time this has happened in RPGs--please try to stop hooking people up when they’ve been raised in the same household most/all of their lives as adopted siblings. Being brother and sister is very, VERY much less romantic than you people seem to think.










* Now, sometimes this happens in a good game, and it’s not so bad--Tidus and Yuna eventually came to dominate the story of Final Fantasy 10, for example. But it works for the better in FF10, turning it into a very impressive and touching story of love that meshes well with the themes and intended message of the game, rather than discarding them, and the relationship between Tidus and Yuna develops their characters extremely well, elevating them above the rest of the cast, even when at least some of the supporting cast is quite good. This is a case where the main characters have earned their focus, where their dominance of the story has been used to properly develop them and improve the quality of the plot. In this case, it’s not really Love Hina Syndrome, because the idea with LHS is that 1, it’s a bad thing, and 2, the ones hogging the story spotlight from other qualified characters are not themselves good characters. Thus, even though Planescape: Torment, Wild Arms 3, Final Fantasy 10, and Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume all are cases where a number of good supporting characters aren’t given quite enough time to shine because the main character(s) is/are completely dominating the story focus, they’re not examples of Love Hina Syndrome, because the end result is a good one, because the characters in the spotlight deserve to be there. Sure, I’d LIKE it if those good supporting characters had more time devoted to them, but the sacrifice is at least acceptable because the end result is a definitely positive one.

** Someone please, please, PLEASE grab the Boat Song FMV, maybe splice it up with some other scenes or artwork from the game, and make a Lunar 1 AMV to this song. It will be hilarious, and I will PAY you. A game from GOG.com. 2 games from GOG.com! I would consider it so, so worth it.

General RPGs' Timed Hits

No introductory preamble today. Let’s talk about Timed Hits.

In most RPGs with a standard battle system (that is to say, menu-based combat), using a basic attack against an enemy is a simple case of selecting the Attack option, picking out which enemy you want to damage, and confirming with another button press. Very efficient, very simple (especially considering that Attack is almost always the first option on the menu), which is good, because you’re gonna be doing it maybe 4000 times or so for basically any given RPG.* Of course, as simple and efficient as it is, it’s equally tedious and boring. You all know by now that I consider the actual playing experience of RPGs to generally be boring (I’m in it for the story, characters, and all that jazz, not for the actual gameplay), but even by the standards of someone who for some reason enjoys limiting their gaming experience to moving a cursor up and down through various menus, selecting the Attack command probably starts to get monotonous after the first 500 times.

This is where timed hits come in. Pioneered, I think, by Super Mario RPG on the SNES,** the idea of a timed hit is that it’s an attack or skill which requires the player to enhance the effectiveness of said attack/skill by hitting a button, or multiple buttons, at just the right time and/or in just the right way during the attack/skill’s act. For example, in SMRPG, if you have Mario use a jump ability on an enemy, he leaps into the air and comes down on his enemy’s head in standard Mario fashion. But if you press the A button at just the right moment as he’s landing on the enemy, the attack will do extra damage, or Mario will bounce back up for another jump attack altogether (depending on which variation of the jump attack you’re using). For the sake of convenience, I’m going to use the term Timed Hits to cover both these basic button-pressing occurrences, and other, similar cases where more than just a button press is needed--for example, from the same game, one of Geno’s powers is boosted if you hold the Y button down until a certain time, and then release, and one of Bowser’s abilities is enhanced when, if I remember right, you move in counter-clockwise circles on the direction pad. In a sense, all this sort of thing still has to take place in a certain way in a certain time limit, so you can call it a Timed Hit. Also, for the purposes of simplicity, we’ll assume that a Timed Hit is only something that happens in standard menu-based combat. Timing your attacks and blocks and combos and such in an Action RPG is the norm, not an extra. Hell, I’m not sure how you’d have an Action RPG without timing your actions in some way.

Anyway. There is a right way, and a wrong way to do Timed Hits. Unfortunately, it is much more common to see it done the wrong way than the right one. Let’s take The Legend of Dragoon, for example, because it’s got just about everything wrong with Timed Hits that can be wrong. In TLoD, with the exception of Shana and Miranda, every character’s full normal attack consists of a half dozen or more strikes that can be made if you push a button at the exact right moment during the attack’s sequence. Here’s the first problem--the rapid-fire Timed Hits are frustrating. Where Super Mario RPG had the sense to keep its regular attacks restricted to a single well-timed button tap, your regular attacks in The Legend of Dragoon aren’t going to get you anywhere if you can’t keep up with their pace, something which usually requires more memorization than actual response skills (which just makes it all the more annoying that you’ll have to change their pattern several times during the game’s course as more powerful sequences are found, meaning you have to memorize a whole new set all the time). Look, game, I’m just trying to attack the enemy. I want to do some damage and get done with it. Why the hell do I have to tap 10 times to Dart’s silly sword dance each and every damn time I want to do this, huh? Sony put the work into choreographing all these attack routines; you’d think they’d want us to be able to pay attention to them instead of having to completely focus on the little button prompt box.

I guess I should just be thankful that TLoD’s rapid-fire button ordeal was at least functional. Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood’s special abilities very often required tons of fast-paced buttons pressed and circled and so on, and that crappy game’s stylus control always seems a bit off, or like it doesn’t detect the input right. Ugh. I guess that’s one Timed Hit sin that TLoD doesn’t have--a Timed Hit system that doesn’t work properly.

Next potential problem with Timed Hits that can also be found in The Legend of Dragoon: too much reliance on them. Like I said above, if you aren’t making the most of your Timed Hits for your regular attacks in this game, you’re not getting anywhere. The incredibly weak attackers in the game, Shana and Miranda, aren’t weak because their attack deals less damage than an attack by someone else on the team, they’re weak because it only deals that damage once, when the others can deal it many times over. But that’s the problem--without the Timed Hits, your characters are all doing White Mage damage. Super Mario RPG’s Timed Hits were very useful and made a real difference, but they were not essential. If you didn’t get the timing for a character’s attack, yeah, they’d do noticeably less damage, but it wasn’t so little as to be insignificant. Without Timed Hits, Super Mario RPG would be a little harder, and its battles would all be several turns longer, but you wouldn’t be crippled by the problem. But in The Legend of Dragoon...well, the game already suffered from bad experience balance, and a good-on-paper-terrible-in-practice magic system.*** The Timed Hit attacks were more or less your one and only truly effective, truly reliable combat option in most cases. Where does that leave a person who just doesn’t have a knack for timed button presses? Well and fully fucked, that’s where.

I never had any significant problem with TLoD’s Timed Hit system, incidentally. I did, however, have a problem with Mother 3’s Timed Hits, a mastery of which was almost as essential in that game as it was in TLoD. In order to make your characters’ attacks effective in Mother 3, you had to tap the attack button along to the beat of the background music, something I was absolutely fucking TERRIBLE at. I don’t think most players have that much trouble with it, but I’m apparently just utterly tone-deaf (or however you’d describe it), so I was lucky if I could get even one of the beats right. Like TLoD, Mother 3 seemed to be set up on the assumption that you were at least moderately competent at this timing thing, and this assumption made a game I think was supposed to be only as mildly challenging as its predecessor Earthbound into an excruciating ordeal. You guys may snicker at my insistence on playing games with no regard to how fun or boring or frustrating they may be, but I’m glad I do things the way I do, because if I let the actual gameplay of an RPG bother me, I never would have gotten through Mother 3 and would have missed out on a really great game.

At any rate, my point here is, you should never make a gimmick like this into something so important to your battle system that the game can’t be played adequately without it, because there are going to be some people, even if it’s only a small percentage, who just will not be able to perform it as expected. And it’s an RPG, not Guitar Hero, Parappa the Rapper, or Whack-A-Mole--this is not a skill that a gamer who wants to play an RPG should HAVE to have. You know how much I hate mandatory minigames--well, making Timed Hits too significant a part of effective combat is essentially making the entire battle system a mandatory minigame. A successful Timed Hit should be a bonus, not a necessity.

One more way to do Timed Hits wrong: forgetting why you put it in there to begin with. I started this rant by talking about how monotonous and boring it is to just hit the Attack command over and over again for 50 hours or so. Well, Timed Hits are an uncommon feature that changes how this works, so it’s fairly logical to assume that a developer who puts them into his/her game is doing so with the interest in making the playing experience more interesting, right? Well, here’s the problem--it often doesn’t actually make the battles any more interesting. I mean, the ones in The Legend of Dragoon will throw you for a bit of a loop when you first encounter each new sequence, but after a few battles, you’ve either got a handle on it, or you don’t. If you don’t, things are more interesting, but in a bad way, as you become frustrated with this system that you’re having trouble with. And if you do get used to it, well, the difference between a normal game’s Attack command and The Legend of Dragoon’s is that TLoD requires you to push the confirm button several times more. That’s, uh...that’s more or less it. Is that less dull and repetitive? Is it really?

I don’t hate the idea of Timed Hits and their ilk. Like I said, I found that Super Mario RPG did them fairly well--they were simple and straightforward enough, and if you found yourself unable to perform them, it wasn’t too major a roadblock in your attempt to play the game. Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden also involved Timed Hits in a pretty decent capacity--while not as forgiving as SMRPG, the Barkley game didn’t need you to time everything perfectly each time to do a reasonable amount of damage, and the timing and necessary actions were quite different for every single attack, so it actually managed to avoid becoming tedious pretty well. Some of the Timed Hits were even fairly creative. Still, it’s a gimmick that’s easy to make into an annoyance instead of a fun feature if someone’s not careful about it. Developers, please keep this in mind in the future. Y’know...because I’m sure you’re all reading this.














* You may think I’m exaggerating, but honestly, I think that number’s probably fairly accurate. I mean, on average you’re gonna engage in combat many hundreds of times, possibly over a thousand, in a given RPG, and I think most of those battles will see you use regular attacks at least a few times. It’s gotta add up into the thousands, wouldn’t you think?

** Although I’d swear there were several spells in Breath of Fire 2, released 2 years prior to SMRPG, that you could guarantee a critical hit from if you pushed the A button at just the moment the damage was being dealt. I’ve looked online at GameFAQs and spoken to other players about this and no one has any idea what I’m talking about, but I just know it’s true. Those spells couldn’t possibly have had such a huge Critical chance during every single one of my half dozen or so playthroughs, right? Someone tell me I’m not freaking crazy here.

*** The enemies consistently gave so little experience that grinding was so time-consuming that it was almost out of the question; if you fought every enemy you encountered between one boss and the other in a large dungeon, you’d usually only level up once, which is NOT a good rate for a standard JRPG. Magic abilities could only activate if you transformed into a Dragoon, after which you’d need to recharge your ability to transform again. Additionally, the only significant way to heal your characters was Shana and Miranda, the ones whose basic attack did about as much damage as an anorexic kitten halfheartedly throwing a marshmallow at the enemy. So if you wanted to have any magical healing, for those rare moments when your magic was actually available to you, you had to go through a battle with 1 of your 3 characters unable to do any serious attack damage, AND unable to access her actual abilities without taking special steps. But with the game’s difficulty and the fact that level grinding was twice as tedious and time-consuming as it usually is, not having that magic healing, unreliable though it was, was all the more difficult.

Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2's Equality Ending's Supposed Flaw

Before we begin the rant tonight, I'd like to mention that the Kickstarter game You Are Not the Hero looks like it will be pretty neato-torpedo. You might wanna check it out and throw in a pledge in these last days of its funding drive. Or not; purely up to you, and they're certainly more than fully funded at this point anyway. But it's neat so I thought I'd share it.

Okay, now the rant, for real.



Hey guys, here I am, with November's Shin Megami Tensei rant for my self-created SMT Rant Year. I ranted on SMT Devil Survivor 2 last time, so I figured to mix things up, I'd...rant about the exact same game again. Okay, so I'm not very original. Sue me.

Most games in the Shin Megami Tensei series have multiple endings. Not in the traditional RPG sense of a Good Ending, a Bad Ending, and sometimes a Better, True Ending as well (although SMT Persona 4 did that schtick), but rather a finale to the game that reflects the player’s moral beliefs and choices. Traditionally, it’s a split between Law, Neutral, and Chaos, although not always (SMT3’s moral choices are related to these, but not the same, for example). But one thing that that stays pretty consistent in an SMT title with multiple endings based on your personal beliefs regarding society and religion is that Atlus tries pretty hard to keep an unbiased stance on the matter. True, the Neutral path in an SMT game is most often considered the “best” one, and even the canon one, but it’s a small enough margin that it doesn’t feel like you’re pigeonholed into that choice over the other ones. As a general rule, Atlus presents a case for one side, emphasizing its virtues and flaws, and does the same for the other side, and clearly tries to do so equally enough that it’s left to the player’s personal beliefs on what aspects of humanity that the game’s focusing on are valued more highly than others. Almost always, it’s not a choice between a “good” side and a “bad” side, it’s a choice between which side’s virtues you value more and flaws you mind less. Or, if you think both are too extreme, you can go the Neutral route, which usually is shown to be a happier medium between the other choices (hence why so many consider it the “true” choice), but to require more work, and to have the downside that it’s little more than a gamble that a prolonged balance between the extremes is possible.*

This is all true of Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2. SMTDS2 has multiple endings, the most prominent ones being an ending that reshapes the world into one of utter equality where all is shared between people, an ending that reshapes the world into a meritocracy where one’s social position and power are dictated by one’s strength, intelligence, and general skills and usefulness, and a couple of Neutral endings that straddle the fence one way or another. The game has the figureheads of each school of thought (Ronaldo for Equality and Yamato for Meritocracy) argue to the protagonist the main benefits of their philosophy, and the main flaw of their opponent's. Unfortunately, however, SMTDS2...well, it didn’t do a particularly good job with providing equally compelling arguments.

The first reason that the argument between Equality and Meritocracy is imbalanced is that the latter’s spokesman, Yamato, has a perspective which is shown to be flawed and incomplete--and not by the writers’ intentions. I already went over that, however, so just refer back to my Yamato’s Folly rant if you want to refresh your memory. Ronaldo, champion of the world of Equality, has no such glaring, specifically self-defeating character development scenes. Thus, regardless of which one’s view you actually would support, Ronaldo is the one who comes off like he’s actually got his act together simply because he’s not a hypocrite to his ideals.

But there’s another, larger problem with Atlus’s attempt to balance the sides out here: the big flaw. Like I said, each side has its benefits and its downsides, but ultimately, the characters of the game focus very specifically upon a small handful of each side’s merits and flaws. The one I’m concerned with is the perhaps biggest alleged flaw of Ronaldo’s proposed world of Equality, a flaw pointed out by several other characters who object to Ronaldo’s philosophy. Their claim, and thus the game’s claim, is that in such a world of full equality, where all work is for the good of others and all resources and aid are distributed equally and without preference, humans would no longer feel the drive to excel, to try their hardest and overcome their own limits to be and do better. The game reasons that if all wealth and resources are truly spread equally, if no one person is valued more than another, then there is no higher position in any part of society to yearn to achieve, no reward for those who do better than others for which a person can strive for. Ronaldo’s equality would mean the end of power, wealth, perks, property, and at least some forms of fame and prestige--at least, in the sense that these things can potentially be possessed in greater quantities by one person than by another.

It seems a fair point, and certainly there’s truth in it, to the effect that the material bonuses for working harder/better/faster/stronger would not exist, and so, indeed, would there be no more motivation for people to work harder and exceed expectations just for the benefits it could bring to them personally. In Ronaldo’s world where no one gets more than another, the most reward one could really hope for as a return for exceptional work would be a pat on the back and others’ appreciation.

But the thing is, the game’s making this out like the hope for advancement and reward are the ONLY reasons people have for giving their all and going above and beyond in their jobs, duties, and so on. When the characters discuss the downsides of Ronaldo’s world of Equality, they talk about how such a world would have NO ambition, they question whether such a world would be taking something important from humanity by removing people’s desire to do their best, do more than is expected, do better than others around them. The game’s philosophy in determining this to be a major, possibly THE major, flaw of Ronaldo’s vision is that EVERY reason to excel is removed when you remove the possibility for material benefits and/or social recognition.

Here’s the thing, though. That’s NOT the only reason people can have to do their best, to excel at their duties, to try to be the best and brightest and do great things. That’s not even close to true! There are so many examples of how this idea is wrong that I don’t know where to start! Are there not many teachers in the world who have a passion for passing on knowledge, a passion whose satisfaction comes not from their meager paycheck or ever-dwindling benefits and social status, but rather from the knowledge that educating others helps to better them and the society they take part of? Is it not true that many doctors, nurses, and EMTs throw themselves into their career ultimately because they want to heal, to help people? Isn’t it true that many, many soldiers joined their country’s military because they love their country and wish to protect its people and values? As far as I’ve been able to tell, the more impassioned about their work a charity worker, environmentalist, or human rights activist is, the more likely that passion flows from a genuine interest in the betterment of society and the world, not from the interest of becoming more affluent or getting a better position. In fact, many such people readily give up those comforts so they can better excel at working for their convictions!

Good heavens, just look at science and mathematics! Philosophy and art! How many countless thinkers of human history, the people we ultimately revere as our greatest members, were motivated by nothing but the pure desire to understand, to explore the workings of the world and the human race? Certainly, many profited from the knowledge and discoveries they achieved, and certainly some did so specifically with that goal in mind, but I daresay it’s quite fair to assume that most of them were working with motives other than personal advancement, power, or material benefits.

It’s a huge gap in SMTDS2’s logic, and not a hard one to recognize. That by itself makes this a rather large and embarrassing flaw for the game’s writers, very uncharacteristic of Atlus. But it’s not just that one’s own simple reasoning can debunk the position that True Equality = No Drive to Excel. The game itself proves this idea wrong! Many times, even!

Consider the character of Daichi. Daichi’s character development in the game is mostly concerned with him dealing with his fears and reticence to stand up for what he believes in, and coming to believe in his ability to help people and the need to do so when they can’t help themselves. Why in the world does Daichi later in the game question whether people in a world of true Equality would be capable of going above and beyond, capable of the important human quality of ambition? His whole bit of soul-searching has given him the convictions and strength of character to put himself on the line to help others, and his reasons for doing so are unrelated to any interest in being rewarded or winning a higher position in life. Daichi’s character development is proof positive by the game itself that motivations to do more than your minimal duties, to go above and beyond in the tasks you take, can be entirely unrelated to desires for reward, prestige, power, or anything like that.

What about Ronaldo himself, for that matter? Ronaldo is putting his life on the line over and over in battling against Yamato’s forces, and he does so in defense of the weak and helpless, people that Yamato ignores as worthless. More importantly, Ronaldo throws his every possible effort into bringing about his ideal world of Equality. You can’t tell me that he lacks motivation to succeed, that he doesn’t give his all to his goals, that he doesn’t have a hell of a lot of ambition. He and Yamato are meant to be seen as basically evenly matched when it comes to ambition and desire to succeed. All of this determination pretty obviously isn’t coming from a desire to be better off or more respected than others, since it’s all being directed at creating a world where such things don’t exist.

And there are plenty of other examples like this in the game. Makoto is one of Yamato’s best officers, and her motivation for doing her job as well as possible, for sticking with Yamato’s group no matter what, is because she’s grateful to him for having given her an opportunity to make a difference with her life after her original life plans fell through. In fact, it’s her motivations of loyalty that keep her with Yamato to the end, not a belief that his ideal world is actually the best option. Keita puts everything he has into being as strong as he possibly can be, and this desire for personal perfection seems entirely motivated simply for its own sake, not the benefits it can confer. Hell, practically every time the party scrambles to prevent a Nicaea death video from coming to pass, it’s unrelated to their basic duties and motivated entirely by the simple wish for that person to live.

You know what? When I really think about it, the vast majority of motivations shown throughout Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2 are ones that have little to nothing to do with social or material benefits! The whole damn game is its own argument against itself!

Companionship, altruism, desire for personal perfection, loyalty, love, a wish to make the world better, a thirst for understanding, patriotism, moral obligation...these are many powerful motivations that give people the drive to be as great as they can possibly be and do as much as they possibly do, and there is no logical reason at all to think that ANY of these motives would not exist in a world of Equality as described by SMTDS2. In fact, several of them would probably be all the stronger!

While the debate between philosophies in other SMT games usually comes down to personal beliefs and values because the points for and against each side are well-balanced and logical, the debate between Equality and Meritocracy in SMT Devil Survivor 2 is poorly balanced. As mentioned in a previous rant, the figurehead of the Meritocracy, Yamato, has an incomplete perspective that is contradicted by his own words and actions multiple times. Additionally, as I’ve pointed out in this rant, the game’s big clincher argument against the world of Equality is debunked both by simple logic on the player’s part, and the actions of the game’s own characters. It’s all well and fine for me, since I’m a proponent for the world of Equality, but it makes for a less intellectually engaging story and theme. It feels like the SMT team phoned this one in. Bad show, Atlus, bad show.









* A gamble that actually seems futile sometimes, really. I mean, the balance of the Neutral path is often a return to some semblance of regular life, but the situation of these battling extremes came up naturally from a relatively Neutral world to start with, so it seems like the Neutral path is just a temporary extension of balance that’s eventually going to lead right back to the same situation. Look at some of the major SMT games--SMT1, 2, 4, and Strange Journey. The forces of Law claim that humanity can’t exist on its own without faith in God and a need for restrictive order. The forces of Chaos claim that humanity can’t exist on its own without a desire for the power of demons and a yearning for freedom. Well, since all these games are (tenuously) connected to one another, and the conflict between Law and Chaos keeps repeating itself to the backdrop of regular Neutral life, it would seem both sides are correct. Well, if Neutral is going to keep leading to these wars between Heaven and Hell over the convictions of humanity, maybe it’s not as good a path as everyone says, and somebody SHOULD make a lasting decision of Law or Chaos.

Knights of the Old Republic 2's Restored Content Mod

You know, I just loved Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords. It’s powerful and compelling, taking the already awesome Star Wars universe and adding incredible layers of wisdom and exploration of human nature to it. No, that’s not quite right--KotOR2 doesn’t really add that wisdom, that analysis of the human spirit, to Star Wars, so much as it opens our eyes and makes us realize that it was already there. Through this game’s commentary on The Force and its ways, we find an intuitive understanding of heroism, cowardice, ambition, arrogance, admiration, leadership, of the power of personal and spiritual connections between people and groups and the echoes of actions great and small, and much, much more.

There’s really only one major problem with the game: it was never quite finished.

Oh, KotOR2 has a beginning and an end, to be sure, and it’s (mostly) playable from start to finish, so in certain technical terms. And it’s not like the tragedy that is Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader,* either; its storytelling pace and quality stays pretty consistent throughout the game, save for its finale. But it’s apparent as you play through KotOR2 that it’s just plain missing things. Most notable are a resolution to the subplot involving HK-47 and the HK-50 droids, and the fact that the game’s finale left too much unexplained and had over half the party suddenly absent (in fact, KotOR2’s ending would likely have made my Worst Endings list if it didn’t have a rather great and at least minimally satisfactorily conclusive conversation with Kreia at its very conclusion). Beyond these large, glaring absences, however, there are plenty of times in KotOR2 that feel like they’re missing something, dialogue or actions here and there that might make the general flow of exposition go more smoothly. There’s also a ton of bugs in KotOR2, and it sometimes just handles rather clumsily. All in all, it adds up to one obvious conclusion: the game was released prematurely, with much of its story content cut and without enough testing. It’s always been a damn tragedy in my eyes that this terrific RPG was rushed to shelves before it was ready, and I’ve always wondered just how great it could have been if its developers had just had the time they needed to properly finish it.

Well, I still don’t know the answer to that query, but thanks to the The Sith Lords Restored Content Mod, I at least have a much better idea.

The TSL Restored Content Mod, which can be found at http://www.moddb.com/mods/the-sith-lords-restored-content-mod-tslrcm, is an absolute, undiluted Godsend for anyone who appreciated KotOR2’s many and sizable virtues. To start with, it’s easy enough to install and get working. I know this to be true because I managed get it running myself, and when it comes to computers, my intellectual prowess is at about the same level as I would expect from, say, the lovechild of Elmer Fudd and Sarah Palin, if said lovechild hung around Dan Slott and Daniel Tosh on a daily basis, was privately tutored by Peter Griffin, and idolized Homestar Runner. If I managed to install the damn thing correctly, it’s fairly safe to say that absolutely anyone can do it.

More important than ease of use, though, is what the mod actually does. First of all, like any good major improvement mod, it cleans the game up considerably, fixing a metric fuckton of bugs and other, more minor problems (like spelling errors, or coloring issues). I’ve seen buggier games than Knights of Old Republic 2, but certainly not many (and to be fair, most of the problems of Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, and Mass Effect 3’s Multiplayer were eventually fixed (or, occasionally in ME3’s case, lazily covered up rather than actually corrected...whatever works, though, I guess)). So making the game properly playable is by itself quite a nice thing.

But that by itself wouldn’t be enough to warrant a rant. What makes this mod so awesome is that it does just what its title implies: it restores content. It restores a LOT of it. As in, tons of lines of dialogue and dialogue cutscenes that were either cut or simply didn’t activate correctly are brought back into the game, and even some entire conversations. Considering that it’s the characters and plot that really make or break an RPG, that’s gonna be a huge deal for any RPG, but it’s even greater and more important a restoration in a game like KotOR2, where so much of its excellence rests in the insights and nuances of its characters’ dialogue. I’d give KotOR2 another playthrough just to hear Kreia’s restored lines, let alone all the others’ additional content.

In addition to that, a great many parts and qualities of the game’s events and quests have been fixed, restored, and/or added as originally intended. For example, the defense of the settlers on Dantooine is now much more in depth. Before, it was basically just a preparation phase, an underwhelming non-interactive view of the first wave of battle, and then a cut straight to the final fight between your characters and the invader. Now you have a part to play in the battle from start to finish, and it all feels far more real and complete. It’s a real treat as you go through the game and keep running across one thing after another that’s been touched up, added upon, or restored out of nothingness.

And of course, it’s definitely worth noting that this mod completely restores the entire HK-50 dungeon and events, AND adds a heap of the cut content from the finale back in, allowing for a proper resolution to the stalemate between the Remote and G0-T0, giving the previously missing crew members actual parts to play, and generally improving substantially upon KotOR2’s ending to make it far more cohesive and satisfying.

I’ve encountered restoration mods before, and they’ve been great, a way for fans to help realize the full ambitions of games’ creators that for whatever reason weren’t complete with the game’s release. There’s a mod for Planescape: Torment called the Unfinished Business mod which adds a few cut quests and dialogues that are enjoyable, which is well-known and respected enough that it’s even officially suggested by GOG.com that you install it, for example. And I’ve mentioned before how great the Fallout 2 Restoration Project is, how it’s almost like playing Fallout 2 new all over again. Well, I’d say that the TSL Restored Content Mod is even better than that, providing so much more of the rich, deep, insightful content of KotOR2 and making the entire experience of playing the game feel far more complete. If you were at all a fan of Knights of the Old Republic 2 the first time around, or even just disappointed with it because it felt incomplete, then it’s definitely time to dust your disc off (or go purchase it anew from Steam; it’s only like $10) and give it another playthrough with the TSL Restored Content Mod. It’s fans to the rescue of a great game in the best way.











* Obscure old PC RPG by the makers of the original Fallout games. By all appearances early in the game, it was going to be pretty damn cool, but after a little while of playing it basically just becomes a semi-plotless slogfest because the developer went out of business during the game’s development and had to either get it out the door ASAP or never publish it at all.

Xenosaga 3's Kevin

Before we get into the rant today, I have a question for you all. I apparently have the option to allow ads on this blog, from which I would presumably make a small, very small, very very small, veeeeeeery very very very very VERY very very ve-he-he-herrrrrrrry small amount of money. Would you, my loyal reader(s), object at all to my having ads on this site? If no one cares at all, I may as well go for that extra nickel per year, but if anyone has even the slightest wish against it, I’d rather just skip it. Lemme know.

And now, the rant.



I actually had thought I’d be wrapping up my long line of Xenosaga rants by now, but somebody actually said that they like them, so on we go with them. Granted, that means I’m basically only catering to a single person by continuing, but on the other hand, that’s still me reaching out to like 25% of my total readership, so this is totally legit. Besides, it’s not like Xenosaga is running out of flaws to point out and criticize any time soon.

Speaking of those flaws, what shall I speak of today? Perhaps I could question why the hell Virgil is one of the Testaments--he’s a guy who dies an hour into Xenosaga 1 and has a very small and only vaguely tangentially-related history with protagonist Shion, so why the hell is he rubbing elbows with the likes of Albedo, the main villain of Xenosaga 1 and 2, Voyager, the main villain of Xenosaga: Pied Piper, and Kevin, the guy whose legacy is the core of the series from the very start to the very end? Or I could take to task the Professor’s explanation of the hero group’s (supposed) journey to the past, the dangers it poses, and how to fix it, for playing faster and looser with science and time travel than a Star Trek engineer writing a Doctor Who episode. Perhaps I could rant about Past-Virgil’s bizarre and utterly reasonless decision to sacrifice himself for Present-Shion and her friends by holding off a small group of enemies that they had already outrun and could easily defeat anyway. Or maybe I should just do a rant about how the looped repetition of loudspeaker announcements in the background of several areas of the game need to SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE THEY’RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, DEAR SWEET CELSIUS ON A SANDWICH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU ANNOUNCED THAT THE SECURITY LEVEL HAD BEEN SWITCHED TO “A,” STOP TELLING ME EVERY 10 SECONDS!

Er, sorry. My mind seems to have a low breaking point for annoying, useless, repeated vocals. Still, having an announcement for where the Omega Res Novae demonstration’s being held being drilled into your head every 15 seconds as you wander around a facility has gotta be annoying for just about anyone.

Anyway! Let’s mix it up today and do a rant about something loathsome, but which may be so by design. Today, I will rant about Kevin.

Kevin Winnicot is a total dick.

Really, Kevin is just a tool. A huge tool. A tremendous tool. A tool of galactic proportions. It may have been intentional on the part of Xenosaga’s writers to have him be as unlikeable as he is, but I’d be inclined to say that they probably were shooting for a sympathetic villain with Kevin, at least partially. And if that’s the case, they failed big time. And here, not necessarily in order of magnitude, are the reasons why:


Reason Number 1: Kevin is a villain. After his death at the hands of archetype KOS-MOS (she must have known he was a douche even before being properly conscious), Kevin was brought back to life to be the Red Testament, right-hand jerk to Xenosaga’s main villain Willhelm. During his time as Red Testament during the events of Xenosaga 2 and especially 3, Kevin uses Shion’s growing confusion, huge emotional turmoil, and old love for him to his advantage, cruelly manipulating her and stoking the fires of her mental breakdown so that he can get her to join him in his scheme to...to...reset the universe, I think, like Willhelm is planning, only Kevin wants to do it so that it’s (somehow) only him and Shion in the universe. At least, that’s what I THINK his intentions are; it’s not like the game makes it easy to suss out what’s going on, why it’s happening, and what the intentions are behind it. There’re times during the game’s finale when you couldn’t understand the dialogue less if it was all in Al Bhed.

So essentially, Kevin’s out to end the current universe and as a result kill every person currently living in it, which is a typical dick move for a villain, but even further, he wants to remake the universe so that it’s only for 2 people. That’s actually a case of being a bigger jerk than the main villain of the whole series--Wilhelm’s at least going through his many machinations and manipulations for the misguided meaning of somehow salvaging the universe by ending it and resetting it or whatever. Wilhelm’s at least not out for a personal, extremely selfish vendetta, and while his plan also kills all things currently living, at least it’s not also with the intention of barring any other people from ever living in the universe again.

Oh, yeah, and the reason that Kevin’s a villain is more proof of what a giant tool he is. See, as a child, Kevin’s mother died as a result of some catastrophe (Gnosis attack, if I recall right), and used her last moments to help Kevin get away safely. Since that moment, Kevin has hated the entire universe, and it’s from that hate that his desire to destroy it utterly springs. Okay, fine. It’s a short-sighted and stupid reaction to have, but nothing unusual in RPGs for a villain, so I won’t consider that by itself as a count of jerk-itude. BUT, during the course of his planning to assist Wilhelm in ending the current universe, Kevin meets and falls in love with Shion. Now, logically speaking, if his original reason for wanting to destroy the current universe is that he feels it’s irredeemable and terrible, as is stated in the game, then shouldn’t his reasoning change a little once he meets and falls in love with Shion? I mean, Shion, like everything else, is a part of and natural result of this current universe. Shouldn’t the fact that he really, really likes this particular part and result of the universe be a fairly obvious tip-off that there are some parts of the universe so significantly good that they’re worth not destroying?

I mean, he wants to save Shion from the end of the universe, so logically speaking, he must think that she’s good enough that nothing should be done to destroy her. But then why is he letting everything ELSE be destroyed? You can point out that in his whole life, she was the only good thing, but that doesn’t make sense as a reason to destroy the whole universe and everyone in it besides her, because Kevin has not BEEN everywhere in the universe and interacted with EVERY person. He cannot say with any certainty that there is NO ONE else out there as good and worth preserving as Shion. To assume that she’s singular in that regard is foolish--in a colonized galaxy with trillions (or maybe more) of individuals residing in it, it’s statistically nigh impossible that, if there really were only 1 single person as good and worth preserving as Shion, he would just HAPPEN across that 1 single person out of trillions. The only reasonable assumption to make would be that the universe was capable of producing people like Shion in a quantity rare enough that Kevin would only ever have a chance to meet 1 in his lifetime, BUT common enough that he WOULD actually have that chance. And don’t tell me not to bring rational logistics into this--Kevin is a scientist, a brilliant one. The basics of logical thought processes and statistical understandings are a core necessity for a huge portion of his life. So if he gave his plans any real thought once Shion’s in the picture, if he had the basic intelligence and human decency to give the extermination of trillions a real, actual second thought at any point, he would almost certainly realize that basic law of averages indicates that his destroying the universe would doom a tremendous amount of people whose goodness and worth are comparable to Shion’s, and since he can’t bear to let Shion be destroyed by his plans, he shouldn’t be able to go through with a plan that would destroy them as well.

But Kevin attempts to go through with his plans, so we can only conclude that he is a stupid tool who gives no real thought to his actions even though they affect countless people’s lives. What an ass.


Reason Number 2: Kevin didn’t want to let Febronia save Virgil’s life. He argues against it and is rather annoyed when Febronia does it anyway. Now I’ll grant you, there’s reason to at least hesitate before saving the life of an enemy soldier, and Kevin brings up some piddly little reasons why Febronia’s actions will be mildly risky for her in regards to how the higher-ups on their side will see this. Still, it’s a bit cold and mean-spirited to have a good Samaritan bring in a dying person, and to just shake your head as you watch the man bleed out and say “No, sorry, against company policy.” Febronia comes up with a perfectly plausible way for her to save Virgil without putting herself or others at any particularly great risk, and Kevin is still against it, only begrudgingly letting her do what she wants while wiping his hands clean of the matter. Since she has effectively assuaged all of Kevin’s legitimate concerns, he really shouldn’t have any problem with her making the choice to save a human being’s life, unless Kevin just plain dislikes the idea of not letting people die in agony. But he nonetheless does still have a problem with it, and so, he is a douche.


Reason Number 3: Kevin is a dick to little girls. We see the first time he meets Shion, which is when she’s 8 years old (according to Xenosaga's wikipedia), and he's 14 (the game later sort of implies that he loved her from the moment he saw her, incidentally, which is kind of creepy, made worse by the fact that he sure as hell looks and acts a lot older than 14, not to mention very contradictory to this scene, as we’re about to see). Little Shion is trying to grow some flowers outside the “hospital” (actually a research facility) in which her mother is a patient. Her reasoning is that when her mother wakes up, Shion wants her to be able to see pretty flowers from her room’s window, and her dad would be happy to see them, too. Very cute and sweet, just the sort of childlike kindness you’d expect from a loving daughter.

Kevin’s reaction is different. Kevin decides that the appropriate response to witnessing this is to start a philosophical argument with Shion about why the world and everyone in it is horrible, and so doing nice things for other people is pointless.

Seriously. Every time I watch this scene, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. This guy, age 14, is picking a fight with an 8-year-old. The dude is seriously engaging in a philosophical debate with the intention of relentlessly attacking a preteen’s innocent perspective. I just...I can’t...what do I say here, guys? How does one possibly convey in mere words how unbelievably pathetic it is for a teenager to actually make a serious intellectual assault on the sensibilities and moral perspective of a small child? This is a level of dickery beyond the usual mortal realm; this is the douchebaggery of the gods.

And that’s just the basics of what he’s doing. Let’s examine the details. Not only is he picking a fight with a kid, but he’s doing so with the intention of convincing her that the world and its people are defined only by conflict and struggle, about how pointless this is because life is only about encountering and destroying others in order to survive and have your way and blah blah blah Look At Me I Read Thomas Hobbes Aren’t I Special, which, he says, makes acts of kindness meaningless. He’d be an asshole just trying to convince a fellow adult of that, but for the love of Palutena, he’s trying to tear apart a little girl’s innocence! What kind of asswipe is such a miserable piece of shit that he has to spread his lousy perspective to children? As a bonus, he also tries to convince her that the her father won’t care for the flowers, which really has to just be dickery for the sake of dickery, since there’s no reason that Kevin, as Shion’s dad’s assistant, would know more about what the guy personally enjoys than the guy’s own daughter. And let’s not forget what she did to provoke this attack--she was trying to make flowers grow. So she could make her sick mom happy! It’s not like Kevin doesn’t know this intention, either; she tells him quite plainly what her intentions are. It ain’t like she’s shoving her innocent, kind ideas in his face or anything. She’s just minding her own business, and he starts this shit. Unbefuckinglievable.

Oh and hey, here’s some fun food for thought. Kevin’s perspective of how terrible the universe and its people are stems from the loss of his mother. Little Shion’s doing all this as a nice gesture for her sick mother. Nice empathy there, jackass.

Thankfully, Little Shion manages to withstand the slings and arrows of Kevin’s douchebaggery in this scene, but that’s not the only moment where Kevin is a dick to her. A little later on, the flowers Little Shion’s been growing get trampled by the hustling of soldiers as they prepare for the area to become a war zone, since their enemy, the Galactic Federation, has just begun to make its all-out attack on the city. Kevin happens by, and finds the poor kid weeping profusely as she kneels over them, heartbroken that all the work she put into making something nice for her parents has been so carelessly destroyed. It’s the kind of simple, sad loss for a child that gets to ya. Makes me feel like shedding a tear for the kid myself. What’s Kevin do? Why, he stops to gloat, of course. He reminds her that he told her not to bother, and reiterates that this won’t make anyone happy, before telling her not to bother wasting her time trying to grow any more.

CONGRATULATIONS, ASSHOLE, YOU WON THE ARGUMENT AND HURT THE FEELINGS OF A CHILD. Thank God you had nothing better to do, like maybe help prepare for the imminent attack, so that you could take the time to rub the failure a heartbroken child in her tear-streaked face. BIG MAN.

Oh, yeah, and here’s the kicker about this scene: Little Shion’s resilient enough that she refuses to give up, so she announces she’s going to go to Febronia and get more flower seeds. Kevin allows her to run off.

Oh, what’s that? You aren’t sure how that’s a moment of dickery? Well let me rephrase that. Kevin allows her, a young child, to run off alone in a war zone as a major military battle is beginning.

What a fucking tool.*


Reason Number 4: The shit he puts Shion through. You know, for someone who claims to love Shion more than anything else and never want to hurt her, Kevin sure doesn’t have much of a problem of putting Shion through absolute fucking hell. On the night that Shion’s mother and father were murdered before her eyes, Little Shion experienced such unimaginable mental pain that the magnitude of her suffering actually tore the fabric of time and space a new asshole and summoned the Gnosis. She was just a child at the time, and blocked out much of the details later, so she didn’t realize the magnitude of what she’d inadvertently done.

Kevin’s plans for rebuilding the universe for just him and Shion, plans which he’s convinced himself are in essence “saving” Shion, involve having Shion relive this night. Not just remember it, but relive it. That’s why Shion’s sent back in time (sort of but not really), so that she can be on the scene as an adult to see her recently murdered mother and father, and to watch her younger self be so overcome with pain that her screams of anguish call forth lost souls to ravage the galaxy. That is an actual, significant part of Kevin’s plans--to force the woman he supposedly loves to relive the worst night of her life, to once more feel and understand what the game tells us was the most powerful suffering of any human being in the universe, with the added bonus of her being mentally aware enough this time to understand that she’s responsible for calling forth the Gnosis. I find myself once again staggered by how unable I am to find the words for this level of douchebaggery.

Oh, and it’s against this backdrop that he decides to reveal himself, step back into her life after pretending to be dead for, what, 7 years? AND he drops the bombshell of her connection to KOS-MOS draining her life (a claim that’s never verified, and kind of just dropped fairly shortly afterwards). So let’s just review here: Causes Shion to relive the greatest pain in her life, the greatest pain in all the universe. Blows her mind in the process because she now knows that it’s her fault the Gnosis are destroying the universe. Further wreaks havoc on her mental state by revealing that he’s still alive, AND working for the same team as her enemies. And reveals that her connection to KOS-MOS, the strongest and most trusted personal relationship Shion has by this point, is killing her. It’s after all of this happens that he says he wants her to join him. That’s what all this was leading up to. His plan to get Shion on his side is to cause her to spiral into a complete and total, incredibly painful mental breakdown, reduce her to an emotional shambles so she won’t have enough shards of coherent thought left over to resist him.

Best boyfriend ever. I cannot believe I’m saying this, I really can’t, but I think Kevin Winnicot actually surpasses Edward Cullen in the Emotionally-Unhealthy Romance department.


Reason Number 5: Allen has a point. At one point, Allen berates Kevin, saying that rather than having a strong will, as Kevin clearly thinks he possesses, Kevin and the rest of the Testaments actually lack resolve. He points out that they all accepted and used the great power given to them by Wilhelm only to run away from the reality of death. For all of Kevin’s lofty plans and arrogant talk, he’s still just a coward terrified by the shadow of the Reaper. It’s a pretty accurate assessment. And as he’s presiding over the pain and deaths of many others because he can’t accept the simple facts of life, causing others to suffer the same thing that he himself is trying to escape, so do I declare him (and the other Testaments) a tool once more over, on grounds of malicious and cowardly hypocrisy.


Reason Number 6: The shit he puts Shion through, part 2. I’m still a little hazy on whether dying at the hands of the KOS-MOS prototype was or was not part of Kevin’s plan, since dying is a prerequisite to becoming a Testament and gaining the power that comes with that position but otherwise it didn’t seem like something he’d intended. Nonetheless, intentional or not, he wound up being resurrected by Wilhelm to continue with his plans resurrect to Mary Magdalene and gather Anima and activate Zarathustra and all that jazz, and he never once told Shion that he was back from the dead. For...what is it, 7 years between his death and the opening of Xenosaga 1? Can’t remember. We’ll say it was 7 years. For 7 years, Kevin’s death has haunted Shion, the death of the man she loved, the end of the only time in her life that she can remember being happy. Kevin couldn’t just once in all that time have popped in and let her know that he wasn’t actually dead? Couldn’t once have alleviated at least that one scar of the past that she’s carried in silence?

Of course not. Because if he’d done that, he couldn’t have as effectively broken her mind later by showing up, and that would’ve made it harder to save her, since you can’t save anyone without first severely damaging them emotionally! Ass.


Reason Number 7: He beats up Allen. Now yeah, Allen’s standing up to him and calling Kevin out on being a bad influence on Shion and saying that Shion shouldn’t go with him, but here’s the fact of the matter--Allen couldn’t have done a thing to stop Kevin from walking off with Shion. He’s incapable of harming Kevin or physically stopping him, so any violence on Kevin’s part is strictly gratuitous.

Uh, yeah, awesome, Kev, way to show how much of a man you are. Beat the guy who isn’t actually a threat to you at all (Allen even SAYS that he’s powerless right before the beatdown commences) into the ground. You’re, like, so totally tough and manly, using your superpowers to pummel the completely helpless. What’s your encore? You gonna go to a local nursing home and smack around some bedridden retirees? Maybe get into a fist-fight with a week-old kitten? Match wits with an 8-year-old? Oh, no, wait, you already did that one. You’re a real champ, Kevin.

Oh, and hey, that’s not all there is to his mercilessly pounding the weak and defenseless Allen. As Kevin is finishing up with his completely needless beatdown, he begins to taunt Allen about it! Just knocking someone who can’t fight back senseless isn’t enough for Kevin Winnicot, apparently. No, he’s got to gloat about it, too, because apparently he’s no more mentally mature than some random middle school hoodlum. And he’s doing it like it was some sort of significant victory for himself! News flash, Kevin: you won that fight because you had a superior, superhuman power that you acquired as a gift from Wilhelm! You didn’t earn any of that strength yourself! Jeez! It’s like if someone handed you a baseball bat, girded you in a full set of plate mail, and injected you with Captain America super serum for good measure, and then told you to beat the crap out of Moss from The IT Crowd. If you taunt your victim in a fight that one-sided, that makes you a titanic tool! Which is precisely what Kevin is. Sheesh, what a prick.


Reason Number 8: Yet more of the shit he puts Shion through. Rather than accept Shion’s final choice to leave him, he decides to kill her friends, because they’re “confusing” her. First of all, way to respect the wishes of the woman you supposedly love, asshole. God knows she couldn’t possibly make a decision for herself, right? Secondly, yeah, THAT’S sure as hell gonna make the situation better, you idiot. I mean, murdering people Shion cares about right before her eyes in order to make her want to be with you? How could that possibly backfire? And lastly, you just have to love the hypocrisy of it all. Kevin won’t accept her decision because THEY’RE confusing her? I’m sorry, Kevin, buddy, but refresh my memory--when was it, exactly, that you first made your bid for Shion abandoning her friends and coming over to your side? Wasn’t it right after you’d done everything in your power to give her a mental breakdown? I’m pretty sure that as far as “confusion” goes, it doesn’t get much stronger than reliving the horrific and savage deaths of your parents as you learn that you called forth the destruction of the world and also just found out that your most trusted personal connection is killing you and your dead boyfriend isn’t dead and now has evil superpowers. You didn’t seem to object to her making decisions in confusion THEN, when it would work in your favor! Hypocritical prick.

Speaking of hypocrisy, the whole Kevin Is A Dick package ties up neatly for me with this one line, spoken by Mr. Winnicot to Shion: “I don’t want to hurt you either.”

What do you think you’ve been doing this whole time you moron.


As I said before, I’m not sure what Namco’s intention was with Kevin. Did they intentionally make him this much of a tool, wanting the player to hate his lousy stinking guts with a passion? Maybe. If so, great job. But my gut says that they wanted Kevin to be a sympathetic villain, yet another misguided soul whom we would empathize with on some level rather than despise. They tried too hard to emphasize his supposed love for and devotion to Shion, they portrayed his past moments with her too positively, and they had him too honorably betray Wilhelm and die for her for it to be anything but Namco attempting to make Kevin out to be a misguided but ultimately sympathetic antagonist. And if that’s the case, then they failed, big time. Because his tiny moments of decency are utterly swallowed up in the huge tidal waves of douchebaggery that I mentioned above. Kevin Winnicot is a tool, plain and simple.







* Now, technically speaking, we only see all this stuff with Little Shion as part of the story arc where Shion and company are sent to the past (but secretly aren’t), so technically we’re seeing Past Events as they’d have happened if Present Shion were meddling with them. Still, since this representation of the past is otherwise supposed to be 100% accurate, and since Present Shion’s meddling didn’t seem to cause any significant differences with regards to the interactions of Kevin and Little Shion, AND since we see from Kevin’s recollections later in the game that he does remember meeting Little Shion under those same circumstances, we can very safely assume that all the events as we witness them of Kevin’s interactions with Little Shion are in all significant ways accurate to how it actually happened. So yes, he WAS a dick back then by all logical accounts.