Friday, February 17, 2006

The 7th Saga's List

Things I Suspect Would Be More Fun To Do Than Playing The 7th Saga:

Jump off a 5-story building onto a bicycle with no seat.
Bathe in honey, then slowly walk through a zoo's grizzly bear exhibit.
Listen to TATU.
Pour hydrochloric acid in my eyes.
Snort itching powder.
Play jumprope with barbed wire.
Pull off my own thumbnails.
Get caught in a bear trap and gnaw my own leg off to escape.
Be sacrificed.
Be beaten to death with my own arm.
Punch a hornet's nest.
Watch The Batman...but only for a few minutes.
Eat a box of Christmas tree ornament hooks.
Read's entire Final Fantasy 8 section.
Read's entire Final Fantasy 8 section.
Experiment with the concept of using a cattle prod as a dildo.
Play with mercury.
Sever my ears.
Pull out each and every hair on my head, one at a time.
Remove a significant portion of the skin on my leg, then pour lemon juice, salt, and angry fire ants on it.
See Hilary Clinton or Jeb Bush become president.
Lick a bar of iron seconds after it comes out of a forge.
Perform acupuncture on myself using thumbtacks.
Talk to George W. Bush for an hour.
Kiss a coprophile vulture who has the flu.
Consume mayonnaise.
Read 8-Bit Theater's entire archive.
Go quail-hunting with Dick Cheney.


  1. Everything. God damn everything! The story is boring, it drags along at a snail's pace, and while I will happily admit that it does have some SLIGHT unexpected twisting near the end, what few creative qualities it has are smothered under a monotonous presentation. None of the characters have the slightest depth or development, nor any interaction with the events occurring around them beyond the bare minimum of physical actions. The writing is dull as dirt. The villain, though providing a slight surprise at first, is generic. Nothing of importance is good about this turd of a title.

    Nor, for that matter, is there really anything of non-importance that's good. It's boring and frustrating to play, the control system is functional but ponderous, it looks damn ugly, and while a few tunes are catchy, most of the music is sedately boring.

  2. I know it suffers a lot, especially from translation issues, and a bug that negatively effects stats on level up, but I don't remember being all that bad.

    Each character does get a little back story and some development in certain towns if you're playing as that character, so it doesn't completely lack development. Which character did you play as?

  3. I tried the game off and on for several years, eventually giving it up each time because it was so completely boring and annoying to me, so I've played a significant amount of it as the elf, the robot guy, and the knight. I finally managed to man up and beat it using the alien (why the hell is there an alien in this game? The demon and robot are believable, mostly, but anachronistic aliens?). None of them really had any significant character development that I can recall, and if I've forgotten some tiny tidbit of development that did occur, well, it certainly wasn't good or significant enough to influence my opinion, then.

  4. Well, I plan on playing through again at some point, so once I've refreshed my memory I should be able to damn or defend the game a bit more.

  5. Hahaha - I liked the 'rather than' as opposed to simply saying what you hated (at least until the comment). I remember renting this game a million years ago. I can't recall what I thought about it. I don't necessarily remember it being abysmal - but that's just it - I can't remember anything about it one way or the other, so I guess for me it became the very definition of 'forgettable'